based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
