He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
