Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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