So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
