How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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