Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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