yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
