yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
