and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
