It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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