Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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