Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
