know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
