The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm getting married
To pizza
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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