So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
