Do you still have your period?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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