once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
