i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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