It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
