Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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