i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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