Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
