like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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