Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
