I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
being pregnant is like rehab
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
