Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm experimenting with sincerity
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
