And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
