The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
