I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
