your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
