She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
