I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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