How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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