Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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