need another drink. this is the easiest way
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
