the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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