Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
