We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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