did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Come see our sink grown plant.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize