nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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