I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
