Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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