so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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