the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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