Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
