I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
