Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
