is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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