I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
worst night to have a conscience
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
