I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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