New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
