i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
