Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize