Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
