when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
