This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
