i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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