i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
