I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
