It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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