He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
