drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
it glows. i had to have it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
