The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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