I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
