I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
