Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
