what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's rum buckets o'clock
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize