I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
