Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
