I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
