I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
