omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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