oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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