Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
