you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
