If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
