I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
